When everything falls apart (and food falls away)

When my eldest daughter was in Year Four, things changed almost overnight.

She became dysregulated—completely, constantly, 24 hours a day.

The mask had fallen off. She had been trying to fit into a neurotypical world for too long, without the right supports (and, if I’m honest, with parents who didn’t yet have the right understanding).

And eventually, something had to give.

And it did.

The wheels fell off in a very real way—shoes were thrown (literally), along with toys, balls, and punches. Everything felt out of control.

At the same time, she stopped eating.

When the body is in survival mode

Her body was in a constant state of fight or flight.

And when you understand what that means, the eating—or lack of it—starts to make sense.

Because when the brain is focused on survival, appetite shuts down.

(I mean, no one is reaching for a snack while fighting off a bear.)

But here’s where it becomes a cycle.

A child who isn’t eating doesn’t have the fuel they need to regulate. And a child who isn’t regulated often can’t eat.

She was, quite literally, running on adrenaline and oxygen.

Sleep disappeared.

Mealtimes disappeared.

Calm disappeared.

What it actually looked like

I would lie in bed with her at night, holding on through the tears, the screaming, the hitting—the sheer overwhelm of a child who felt completely out of control.

And the truth is, when a child is in that state, the whole family feels it too.

Around that time, I started driving to McDonald’s.

Multiple times a day.

We were living on the Sunshine Coast, and I would rotate between Nambour and Maroochydore—searching for the right fries.

Because not all fries are equal.

Some were too soggy.

Too cold.

Too bendy.

Not salty enough.

Too salty.

So sometimes, it took multiple trips.

Because when your child is barely eating, you do what you have to do.

Finding “safe” food

It became clear that my daughter was gravitating toward very specific foods:

Salty.

Crunchy.

Predictable.

Anything outside of that wasn’t even considered.

At its hardest, she would only eat McDonald’s fries.

At its best, we bought a top-of-the-line air fryer and worked our way through every brand at Woolworths and Coles, trying to replicate them at home.

(McCain’s shoestring fries made the cut, for those wondering.)

And for a while, that’s how we got through.

What I understand now

Looking back, this makes complete sense.

When a child is overwhelmed, depleted, and stuck in fight or flight, they return to what feels safe.

Not just emotionally—but sensory-wise too.

Safe foods are:

• predictable

• consistent

• low demand

• easy for the body to accept

Five years later, when my daughter is sick or particularly tired, she still asks for McDonald’s fries.

And now?

That’s okay.

Because I understand what her body is asking for.

This isn’t “giving in.”

This is supporting a nervous system to regroup.

This is reducing stress so that appetite can return.

When not to push food

One of the most important things I’ve learned—both as a parent and through feeding therapy—is this:

I never try new foods when a child is:

• sick

• tired

• overwhelmed

• or stressed

Because it won’t work.

And more than that—it can make things worse.

What feeding actually looks like

The SOS Approach talks about the importance of a child being in a calm, regulated state before they can explore food.

And “explore” doesn’t mean eat.

Sometimes it looks like:

• being in the same room as a new food

• sitting at the table while it’s on the other side

• tolerating it being on the plate

Because if a child can’t be near a food without their body going into panic…there is no pathway to eating it.

A different way of understanding

So if your child is only eating a handful of foods—or returning again and again to the same “safe” options—

it’s worth asking:

What is their body trying to manage?

Because often, it’s not about the food at all.

If this feels familiar—if you’ve ever found yourself doing things you never imagined just to get your child to eat something…

you’re not alone.

If you’d like to keep reading as I share more about feeding, regulation, and the children who don’t fit the usual expectations around food, you’re invited to subscribe below.

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